I have been single for over one year and divorced for 6 months. I was married to my third husband for 3 years and we dated for three years before that. During our marriage I became a certified life coach that specialize in divorce. I “tried” to start an online dating site for divorced men and women, while blogging about divorce. I traveled to speak about divorce, I wrote a book about divorce and I was on television, the radio, wrote on many large blogs, interviewed and considered an expert in my field.
My marriage was long distance from day one and became even more long distance if that was possible and I was so lonely during it that it was intolerable for me. No matter how busy I was, I missed the companionship, having someone who was an adult to talk to and I resented the fact that my husband preferred to live in another city away from me. The details of the whys are too great for one post, but I drew my line in the sand and he stood on one side and I stood on the other and I lost the love of my life.
Sometimes you have to lose the love of your life to gain back yourself. My third husband was and is my soul mate. Will I ever meet anyone that will feel like being with him? I doubt it. Will I ever want to be with someone else again without thinking of him? I don’t know.
I have been single for a year now and I am not lonely. I know what lonely feels like because I was lonely for the entire length of my marriage, but as soon as I made the decision to free myself, I lost that loneliness and took back my power. I was scared, I was depressed, but I was at peace because I was in charge of my own happiness.
I am not dating. I have not been on a date. I don’t miss dating. I was on JDate for 2 days and Match.com for 5 days. I realized that was 7 days too long. I don’t want to date and more importantly I don’t need to date. My life is full. My life is full of my children, my job and myself. When I do have down time I choose to spend it my way, which is catching up on reading, sleeping and watching my terrible TV shows, like all the Real Housewives.
I don’t want to date. This worries my mother, who thinks I will be lonely or alone and thinks it would be nice to have someone to just see a movie with. But I do have someone to see a movie with; I have myself. When I talk to anyone, the first thing they ask is am I dating. Why is it that everyone wants you to be paired up as a couple? I don’t want to be a couple. I am okay as a single and want to be a single and like to be a single.
I am not lonely. I am alone and for the first time in my life I am not lonely. I have found someone that I want to spend time with…. Myself.