Today I made my first big move as a single diamond gal. It was scary and I still don’t know if it was the right thing to do not, but one thing I do know is that I did it on my own without any help from anyone, and that, my friends is powerful.
I’ve been single and married many times, but in all the times I’ve been single, the only moves I’ve made have been has been stagnant. I haven’t moved anywhere. I’ve sat and waited for the next man to come along and marry me and save me and take care of me financially and emotionally.
Well, we can see how that worked out, can’t we? Not very well. I wasted so much time and effort on finding the next love of my life instead of focusing on loving my own life, but this time I have done things differently.
Being responsible for everything is not all that is cracked up to be. I watch every penny that comes in and every penny that goes out. I watch the electric bill, the grocery bill and the bill for the dog food. I pay attention. Not that I didn’t pay attention before, but the disposable income was larger and the savings were greater and I knew that I was going to be taken care of.
But, now I have to take care of two kids and myself. I’ve got my big girl panties on, and I’m not taking them off, no matter how good looking the next guy might be. In fact, I’ve got my grannie panties on over my big girl panties just in case.
Sometimes none of the choices you have are perfect ones. I agonized over the choices. I went over them in my head before I fell asleep, when I woke up, while I was driving and when I was sipping on my coffee in the morning. I discussed my choices ad nausea with every person I knew and listened to all the pros and cons, never feeling like any decision would be a good one.
It all came down to me. The choice had to be mine, and it didn’t just depend on me, but on others as well. I had to prove myself to be accepted to take this step. I was prepared for rejection and even counted on it, but then I was accepted.
I did it. I made the first move as a single diamond gal. I did it all by myself. I got accepted based on my own merits without help from anyone. As scary as this choice was, it is the right choice for my children and for me, and I am making it with my eyes wide open.
I did it by myself.
I made a move and am going to keep on making moves.